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hermannsthumb · 2 years ago

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For the autumn fic meme can you do number 7? (maybe Newt trying to be brave and failing miserably? >:3)

7. scary movies

from autumn fic prompts here

WHEW i've had an exhausting few weeks but things are finally calming down and i can devote time back to my beloved little dudes again. i have a longer fic i'm working on for spooky season but it's also HALLOWEEN PROMPT FILL SEASON once more!! here's an old old one I never got around to filling

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"I am not," Hermann says, "as easy as you seem to think I am."

Newt's not sure what's more disconcerting here: hearing someone outside of, like, 1950 refer to themselves as easy, or Hermann apparently worrying that Newt might apply that word to him, in the lust-inspiring glory of his sweatervest, baggy wool slacks, stiff collar, daintily crossed ankles, the twelve inches he's left between them, and the full-body shudder of displeasure he gives whenever Newt makes the mistake of looking in his direction. And worrying about it so bad he had to reach over and pause the movie to make sure Newt had his full attention before making the declaration. Yeah, easy, that's sooo Hermann. He wouldn't even take off his shoes before he got on Newt's bed, because it would've been quote-unquote too intimate. What a harlot.

"I literally have no idea what you're talking about," Newt says. "Am I missing some, like, signals? Is this some sort of Gottlieb mating ritual?" The only thing Hermann has done all night is snap at Newt for burning their popcorn in the microwave (among a host of other offenses, ranging from breathing too loudly to keeping the brightness on his computer too high). Newt thinks he would've noticed if Hermann was suddenly fluttering his eyelashes or taking off his shirt or something. Actually, if Hermann considers picking fights easy behavior, then Newt suddenly has a whole lot of their relationship to reassess here. As in, all of it. Maybe arguing is part of the complex intricacies of Gottliebian mating rituals, the rest of which involve unstylish haircuts and submitting HR complaints. Newt should pay closer attention to these sorts of things.

"No," Hermann snaps. "I am referring to your invitation, which was clearly a pitiful attempt to seduce me, and my subsequent acceptance thereof, which was against my best judgement and that I began to regret almost immediately." He folds his arms across his chest and scowls at Newt. It's not as intimidating as he clearly hopes it'll be, because there's a decent amount of burnt popcorn crumbs clinging to the front of his sweater, and his glasses are crooked.

"I'm not trying to do anything but watch a movie, dude," Newt says.

"Oh, yes, for now," Hermann says. "But soon enough you'll be so terribly frightened that you'll need to turn to me for comfort, and then one thing will lead to another, and then—" He shakes his head darkly. "I can assure you now that will not be happening, despite any efforts to the contrary. Feign your fear all you wish."

That's the problem with trying to be anything but a mortal enemy to Hermann—the guy's always gotta act like Newt has some sort of dark, mysterious, ulterior motive going on. Cups of tea always have to be deliberately brewed too bitterly with too much milk (instead of just, y'know, the shop Newt went to messed up his order), invitations for excursions into the city or late night talks on the Shatterdome roof are trying too hard to make up for whatever Newt's crime against him of the week is. Hermann can never just accept kindnesses from Newt at face value. Technically, Newt supposes he did have a slight ulterior motive in inviting Hermann over for spooky movie night tonight that verged beyond selflessly giving Hermann a social life into self-serving, but he's been literally upfront about it from the start. And it has nothing to do with getting a hand under Hermann's four layers, thank you. "I want to watch this new movie," he said earlier in the lab, while Hermann eyed him suspiciously, "but it's supposed to be scary as shit, so I don't want to do it alone." If it gives him nightmares, then at least he'll have someone to commiserate with.

Newt's not sure whether he prefers Hermann to see him as a big baby or a skeezeball. Big baby is worse, maybe—at least the alternative means Hermann thinks he's, like, at least mildly suave and a mega-pro at seducing grumpy mathematicians. But it all also raises a very important question. "If you knew I was gonna try to seduce you, then why did you come over?" Hermann was being pretty quiet about everything, up to and including when Newt told him to make himself at home on his bed, until now.

Hermann coughs, and mumbles out something about not having anything better to do with his time, then something else about Newt having wily machinations. "Let's finish the damned movie," he says.

Though Newt's chosen to let Hermann believe he's speeding down the skeezeball route tonight, that doesn't actually change the fact that Newt is, at heart, kind of a big baby—but also only when it comes to sooome horror movies, because he's usually really awesome and punk about these things, and you don't cover yourself in tattoos if you don't have a high tolerance for discomfort, and Newt was watching monster movies before he had object permanence. Unfortunately Newt is not currently covering himself in tattoos or dealing with his dad's admittedly questionable age-appropriate media decisions, but rather curled up in a sweatshirt and watching an evil spooky ghost slash through teenagers like nothing on his laptop with Hermann. The reviews weren't wrong about the realistic special effects. Newt makes a small noise that's definitely not a groan and turns his face away, just a little bit. "I don't understand why you enjoy subjecting yourself to rubbish like this," Hermann says. He's wrinkling his nose. Newt thinks the fiery power of Hermann's disdain could stop the homicidal movie ghost right in its tracks, which strangely makes him feel a little better. "We could be watching an infinite number of other much better films."

"Great idea," Newt says. "K-science movie night, every Friday. You can make the popcorn and choose the flick next time, I'll order pizza." Pizza sounds great right now. He should have dragged Hermann out into the city for pizza night and drinks at the worst bar he could find and made him eat something for dinner with nutritional value for a change (well, okay, in terms of comparison to the scalding tea and toast he usually has for dinner, a pizza is like a damn salad bar), not lured him into his messy bunk for a scary movie night neither of them are actually feeling. Maybe it's not too late to change their plans. There are probably still a few 24/7 delivery stragglers out there in a city this big that haven't yet succumbed to being stomped on by kaiju. "Is that guy still getting chainsawed?"

"No," Hermann says. He looks up at Newt's laptop screen quickly—he'd been distracted, picking crumbs off his sweater—and corrects himself, only just audible over the whirring of the ghost's chainsaw. Not a very creative weapon of choice for a slasher. Chainsaws are kinda been there done that, Newt thinks. "Er. Yes. This has been a rather prolonged death scene."

"Yeah, dude, no shit," Newt says. He tucks his head in against Hermann's shoulder, because it's not like Hermann can possibly think any less of him right now, and he's relieved when Hermann acquiesces to the touch and doesn't boot him across the room. Hermann's sweater smells kinda weird, like he left it out in the rain and didn't bother washing it after it dried. It's still soothing to be this close to him. Ugh, not that Newt would ever, ever admit that out loud, how embarrassing.

"I told you your charms are not going to work on me, Newton," Hermann sniffs, even as he gives Newt's shoulder a pat, and then something, bewilderingly enough, that Newt might call a reassuring squeeze. He doesn't move his hand afterwards. "No matter how pathetic you look right now."

"Thanks? Um, I think?"

Something particularly gnarly must happen on screen, because Hermann suddenly winces and drops their popcorn bowl, sending the remainder of it (mostly vaguely salty kernels) scattering across the floor. He reaches out and angles Newt's laptop screen down, just a centimeter from being shut entirely. A slasher-chainsawing-ghost victim screams their heart out through the muffled speakers. Hermann closes the laptop the rest of the way. "I think we ought to pick something else," he says.

"Sounds great," Newt says.

#newmann #maria's fanfiction tag #benito-el-gato-con-gorrito

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oloreaa · 3 years ago

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Hiii like this is completely out of the blue but I'm yearning for some modern established relationship Ven and I wish I could draw it but have some thoughts:

Din giving Lana his wrinkled sleeping shirts to wear because she loves them even though he doesn't quite understand why

Her teasing him over his wardrobe and dragging him to buy new stuff with her

Y'know the couple where one is always put together in an immaculate way and the other looks like they just rolled out of bed; that's them

Din wrapping his arms around her from behind to snuggle with Lana while she puts on makeup and does her hair

Lana taking his glasses off when he falls asleep and brushing his hair out of his face for a kiss on the forehead

Them buying the spiciest ramen together for movie night

Driving around in his old beat up Honda Civic with the windows down and playing a weird mix of Spanish dance music, Chinese pop songs and classic rock

The couple that makes grocery shopping fun and would sneak in snacks the other prefers into the cart

Buying bubble tea together and Din tries out all the colourful ones while Lana sticks to the classic milk tea

So many blankets because Lana is cold all the time and Din bundles her up in a cocoon before holding her

Roasting each other and sending each other memes with the caption "lmao you"

Lana making food while he contributes by holding the spoon and manning the playlist

Din always buys her a plant or flowers when she's mad at something

Soft lazy sunday mornings where they just snuggle and nap together for hours, not even needing to talk, and just spend time with each other

#like🥺🥺🥺 i wanna write them and i have so many thoughts #rea rambles #vencuyanir

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imaginesfubu · 4 years ago

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What if...?

Mammon's pet is Karasu the crow, who guides the players on how to play the game.

Karasu may be just the Devildom's version of Alexa, Siri, and Bixby, but the real Karasu flies around the Devildom watching over the player on Mammon's request. Some of Mammon's familiar(s) are birds, specifically the crow and/or raven as they're both highly intelligent. However, for the sake of symbolism and the Obey Me lore, Karasu is a crow and will remain as such in this post, respectively.

If Mammon plans for his regularly scheduled headassery money-making schemes, he'll summon Karasu to be his "eyes in the sky" for MC

Everyone in Devildom knows Mammon not just for his status; demons know him because they were conned or from his modeling career at Majolish. Other demons who weren't swindled are loan sharks that make him do a variety of things as torture, if you let Mammon tell it

Due to the previously mentioned point above, Karasu would accompany Mammon, hustlin' and stealin' all things valuable. Other times Karasu just hangs around him whether he's doing chores, summoned by witches to do their bidding, or even photoshoots

Karasu learned how to talk from various kinds of exposure: the con jobs, witches (if they temporarily gave him the ability to speak for certain reasons, Karasu's intelligent brain allows him to store languages and dialects, giving him centuries to perfect every single language known to all three realms), Mammon training him to respond to certain commands much like one would train a dog, etc.

When Karasu isn't hanging around the Avatar of Greed, Karasu gives himself the responsibility of caring for newly fallen angels, newborn demons, and the human souls of the damned, by giving them tours of the Devildom and tips on adjusting to their new home.

Karasu is basically a glorified college campus tour guide

For newborn demons, children, teens, and even young adult demons, Karasu stops by to check in on them and their families just to see if they need anything or if they need help/need advice.

Will steal sweets and other food items Karasu can carry and give to more needy demons living on the streets of Devildom. If he doesn't see any, he'll obviously indulge himself with no regrets

Younger generations of Devildom's residents who were mentored by Karasu were inspired by him as the Devildom became technologically advanced, naming devices and mechanics after him. Leads us to the D.D.D version of Karasu

But to keep it 💯, Karasu isn't a saint.

Bird boi will sell certain demon souls for half a corn chip

Is VERY selfish when it comes to food he finds/steals and valuables he may or may not have found discarded ( i.e. necklaces, earrings, Grimm, etc.)

If the owner of these belongings sees Karasu in the act of taking their items, Karasu will sass tf outta them

"Oh, WAS this yours? I don't see your name on it."

"Finders keepers, losers weepers."

"I am the early bird, therefore I get the worm."

Depending on his mood, Karasu MIGHT let them reclaim their lost or stolen item(s)

If Karasu sees value in an item but isn't useful for him, he will drop by Mammon's window at the House to pay Mammon a visit and suggest to Mammon that he should sell it to help himself financially

Knows Mammon will sell it and wind up in deeper debt

Karasu roasts Mammon, but not too harshly as Mammon is doing his best, something that wouldn't be noticeable unless you got to know Mammon for who he truly is

If asked to watch over MC, Karasu will report the day's events for MC to Mammon from his POV, with the usual smart-ass quips in-between

"Y'know, if I didn't know you, Mammon, I'd say you're a stalker. A simp even."

"Hey, MC's justa lowly human! If they died on me, I-"

"Just admit ya care about them, Mammon. Jesus Christ, I've eaten bread crumbs with more balls than you! Fuckin ridic, man." *proceeds to shake his head*

"Shaddup, Karasu!"

"No! I can't let you slide with 👏🏽 simp👏🏽 levels 👏🏽 over👏🏽 9,000! You need some milk!"

*Mammon then throws a shoe or whatever else is closest to him at Karasu, effectively sending him on his way, cawing (laughing) as he flies off into the distance*

Bonus memes that I think embodies Karasu's personality:

#dunno if this has been done before #obey me headcanons #shall we date: obey me #obey me mammon #obey me mc #obey me karasu

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #302

“heaven ain’t close in a place like this”

What color are your eyes? Grayish blue. What's your favorite type of milk? If we're talking the basics, ig 1% is fine. What would you change about your appearance if you could? Oh, hunny, you got time for an essay? What would you change about your bedroom if you could? I need to fucking finish decorating it... It's not finished by no fault but my own laziness. Are you rich or poor? We're definitely pretty poor. Are you double jointed? I don't think so. What's the most physically painful thing you've ever experienced? I once had a large infected cyst that had to be drained by applying pressure to it, and I swear to Christ I don't know how I didn't faint. They gave me morphine and multiple numbing shots, but none of that did SHIT. I'm not even embarrassed by the fact I was shrieking and sobbing and swearing because I'm pretty fucking sure any sane person would've cried out many times. I'm convinced they either didn't numb me enough for someone of my size back then, or I should've just gone under for it. I have no words for how painful it really was. Do you like shots? Uh, given that nobody LIKES getting a shot with a needle, I'm going to assume you mean like, taking shots of alcohol, in which case I've never tried, but I can almost absolutely guarantee you I'd hate them. I hate the taste of alcohol (hence why I only drink sweet and weak stuff), sooooo, I've got my doubts I'd enjoy something so potent. Are you afraid of spiders? Yes and no? Small ones don't tend to get to me, and I LOVE tarantulas. Big spiders are absolutely fascinating and I love *watching* them, but if I was surprised by a sudden spider, I'm going to probably cry out and jump/scramble away. But on a real note, respect your spiders, whether they scare you or not. They are so important to the ecosystem. See one in the house, take it outside if you can. Have you ever had an allergic reaction to something? To some earrings, yes. I have to wear ones that don't have silver in them. Do you like to read? Yeah, but not nearly as much as I did as a kid. I'm even slacking on WoF lately... Do you know what your purpose in life is? *SLAMS FISTS ON TABLE* BITCH I WISH I KNEW What's something you would like to improve at? Not being a socially anxious catastrophe. Do you believe you have great potential? Everybody does. You just have to use it. What is the most beautiful scenery you have ever beheld? Probably the mountains when driving to Tennessee. Or New York? I really can't recall either so clearly as to have a favorite. Are you flexible? Noooot anymore. Back in my WiiFit days, I was a gotdamn snake. List a song lyric that you like. Oh Jesus, don't make me think. Uhhhhh there's so many. Flipping through artists in my head with lyrics I tend to love, there's Otep with: "hey, hey, NRA, how many kids did you kill today?". Simple, but spine-chilling to me. Huh, time to listen to it actually, lol. That song murders me with the goosebumps. Do you meditate? No; I can't. You can't tell me to "free my mind," man. It's way too hectic at all times up there. What's one place you've been to that you want to visit again? I'd love to go back to Chicago one night when I actually learn how to do nighttime urban photography. What's one place you want to go that you've never visited before? I always answer "South Africa" to questions like this, so for variety's sake, I'll say the Bahamas. But a conspiratory bitch is afraid of the Bermuda Triangle, so... lmao. What's your favorite type of tree? I like big, impressive weeping willows. How many times have you seriously injured yourself? Only two occasions I can think of immediately. Maybe there's more, but idk. Did you attend Sunday School as a child? Yeah, even though I hated it. What is the longest your hair has ever been? Maybe a little passed the small of my back? What about the shortest? (not including being a toddler or baby): How it is now and has been for a couple years: shaved short on the left side, and it transitions to a length near my chin as you go to the right. Have you ever smoked a cigarette? No. Are/were you in the school band, and if so, what instrument did you play? I did, and I played the flute. I'd choose the saxophone if I could go back. Who does the grocery shopping in your household? Well, it's just Mom and me, so her. If you were to donate to charity today, what would you donate to? One that focuses on ovarian cancer for Mom. What is your favorite card game and when was the last time you played it? Even though I was never great at it or knew every single rule, "Magic: The Gathering" is honestly really fun, and I loved looking at the card art. I haven't played it since I was with Jason, so at least five-six years. Would you consider yourself to be good at spelling and grammar? Yeah, but I've somehow gotten worse with time???? I question the spelling and tenses of words I write a lot. What is your favourite seasonal candy? (only available at certain times): Probably like, chocolate rabbits. NOT hollow. Way to break my heart. Or gingerbread cookies. What was the last chocolate bar you ate? I think a Hershey's? It was a while ago. Who was the last person you talked to on Skype/video chat? I was in a Zoom session with multiple people for my partial hospitalization program. Have you ever dreamt about sleeping with someone other than your partner? If so, did that make you feel embarrassed? I've never had a dream like this while in a relationship. The last time you had butterflies in your stomach, what was the reason? I have no idea. Has anyone told you that they miss you recently? No. Has anyone ever asked you out or told you that they liked you, and you rejected them? Can you explain why you didn’t like, or didn’t feel attracted to that person? There was this one guy in the 4th grade who asked me if I would go out with him so much it almost became like a joke. I just... didn't like him like that. Then there's Juan; I'd just been warned that he had a bad rep by a very reliable adult, and the idea of dating him was kinda... intimidating anyway. Plus he was a smoker, which was and still is a no-no for me. What part in a movie would you love to play? The clinically insane villain or something because I feel with my history, I could channel that very well IF I actually wanted to act in the first place. What piece of furniture have you replaced the most? The couch. What’s the best part of your favorite movie? When Simba walks up Pride Rock in the rain and roars and all the lionesses join in. Chilling. What do you think is the most over-rated candy ever? Candy corn is repulsive. What was the highlight of your day? My mom was raving to one of my therapists in the PHP about my art and how badly she wants me to just get everything out there. I was smiling really big but looking down with how shy but also flattered it made me. Do you know anyone who is anorexic? I don't think so. Who has hurt you the most this year? Ha, myself. What's the last insult someone said to you? Hm. How much did your car cost? N/A What is the last picture you received on your phone of? Uhhh Mom mighta sent me a meme or Sara showed me a drawing someone made of Suriza, I think. Have you ever let someone go because you thought they deserved better? No, though I've felt that way before. Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now? I'm still not over the fact Dad was a druggie before me and my sisters, apparently. It's almost like... hurtful in some weird way? Idk exactly why, it's just something I know I feel. What do you hear right now? I have Motionless In White's cover of "Somebody Told Me" playing in another tab. Do you do anything to help the environment? I do what I can as someone who isn't financially independent and reliant on another person for transportation. I won't litter for anything (and this includes shit like letting balloons go in the air, fucking stop), I'm trying to use my metal straw always in place of plastic, and to use less plastic bags, I try to spread out the times I clean Roman's litterbox to a few days; not to the point it's disgusting or uncomfortable for him, of course, though. Three days without is pretty much max. When's the last time you did something you knew was wrong? Ha, a little while ago... I was trying to avoid eating the two last biscuits Mom made for dinner 'cuz I really gotta lay off the carbs, but Mom "joked" that "it's your birthday, you get to do whatever you want," so I kinda just said fuck it lmao. Do you think that you have a pretty smile? No, because my eyes squint badly, and I also hate my teeth. When's the last time you cried over a guy? A few days ago a little bit, actually. I was reminiscing too much and recalling some of the warmest memories. Are you scared to lose the person you fell the hardest for? I already did. Oh well. Is there someone you wouldn't mind kissing right now? Yep. Do you have any friends that actually model? No. Do you care about the last person you kissed? A fucking lot. Do they care about you? Yes. Is there someone you wish you were with right now? Yes, just because of past birthday memories. I keep hoping a "happy birthday Britt" pops up in my FB messenger, and I hate myself for it. Have you ever imagined how it would feel kissing a certain someone? I legitimately just huffed in humor, guess, lmao. What are the bad things you've heard people say about you? That I'm a martyr, going nowhere, lazy, not trying hard enough, y'know, all that good stuff. Do you flirt a lot? Definitely not. What phrase or saying do you use the most? Probably "oof" lol. What mood are you in right now? I'm doing pretty all right. Kinda dreading Miss Tobey coming over, mean as it is, but I just... don't wanna deal with her and her judgments on my birthday. But I'm looking forward to seeing my sisters, and therapy went very well. Have you ever kissed someone that was high? No. Do you have a good relationship with your mother? Yep. How many exes do you have? I only consider two exes "serious," as I've only been in two deep and long-term relationships, but if we're counting everyone who's had the label of "boyfriend" or "girlfriend," there's six. Do you want to be single or with someone? Ugh, I don't know. It's probably better I don't 'til I figure my shit out, but I really do miss the companionship a lot. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Because I love her and I was leaving her at the airport. Does your mom think you’re a virgin? She doesn't know for the same reason I don't, really. I think she leans towards I am, but idk. Is there someone that wants you to give them a second chance? I don't know. What size bra do you wear? Uhhh I genuinely don't buy bras enough to know this exactly. C-something. Does the person you last kissed still like you? I don't know if she still like-likes me. Are your parents still together? Noooo. Was your first time good or bad? I dated an Italian, if u kno what I mean. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Which friend-turned-enemy do you miss the most? Colleen, sometimes. Have you ever used an epi pen, and it worked? I have not. What is on your top priority list for today? Make this fuckin' day for me. I'm trying to not let the depression sink in and make me feel worthless on today of all days. So I'm trying to stay in a positive headspace. Do you own any sand art in a jar? Omg, those are so cool! But no. Does the sun come in your window in the morning or at night? Not really; there's houses in the way. What was the last piece of art you created? A drawing of a meerkat with its mouth open angrily, done with colored pencils, against a black background. It's on my second dA. What time of day do you take medications? I have prescription meds for when I wake up and at bedtime. What's your newest hobby you've started? A new hobby? Huh... What are some things you wanted to do that your parents didn't let you do? They wouldn't let us stay home alone until a certain age, we had a timer on the TV at bedtime to shut off after a while, we weren't exposed to certain music or shows, no cursing... stuff like that. What YouTube channels do you recommend? This is a BAD question to ask me, 'cuz I could just about recommend channels for just about any niche. I watch soooooo many. What is your favorite day of the week? Tuesday, because it's reset day in WoW, haha. Meaning, I get to do my stupid mount farming raids again for the week. Blackhand, gimme your FUCKING clefthoof already. Ballet or cheerleading? Ballet is beautiful. What are your favorite sports to watch? Only dancing, really. Were you ever in the marching band? No. Which holiday has the best decorations, in your opinion? My contrasting aesthetics make this hard, haha. I love Christmas with all the beautiful light displays people can make, but let's not sleep on Halloween, y'all. I loooove Halloween decor, like c'mon, that's where I get shit for my room year-round, lmao. What do you want to be known for? It'd actually be kinda cool if I built up some sort of rep in the vulture culture community with my photography of roadkill. For how few shots I actually have on there and minimal interaction, my Instagram for it is doing quite well, if you consider those factors. They've gotten some pretty decent attention on dA, too. I would love for people to know why I do it though, of course: awareness and respect for the animal's life. How often do you wear make-up? Almost never nowadays. Think of the person you are jealous of...what are you jealous of them for? She's actually making a career out of her photography. Do you have art that you made in high school? Oh, plenty. Do you have trauma in your past? *clears throat* take a fuckin seat Favorite type of frosting? Chocolate. Have you ever tried cake decorating? No. One of my sisters is actually one, though! She's great at it. What clubs are you a part of? None. What was your favorite book that you had to read for school? The Outsiders. 6th grade, to be exact. Do you like to read classics, or do you usually read new arrivals? I don't prefer one over the other, honestly. Were you a big partier in college? No, I never partied. Is your college one you would recommend? My most recent one, fuck yes. They're amazing and care so deeply for their students. Would you go camping in the woods alone? Yikes, no. Would you name your kids after anyone? If I had a son and I had my way with the name, he would be named after the Most Selfless Man in the World, Damien from WKM. :'''''( Do you have any supernatural gifts? No. Are there any good churches in your town? You're asking someone who has a bad relationship with religion. Do you want an indoor or outdoor wedding? It really depends on the season and venue my spouse and I pick. Do you think you would be a good salesperson? HEEEEEEEEEEEELL NAW fam. I ain't pressuring people to buy shit.

#survey #surveys #questions #questionnaire #lyrics: ''somebody told me'' by motionless in white

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fool-moon830 · 5 years ago

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The Grand Legend of Alex Eywrm

My Mentor is a Omnipotent Powerful Dragon... And also a Pothead.

Eterna seoule Eterna vulvis Fatus

May my Fate be as eternal as my soul and my love

I froze, chills went down my spine, a frozen breath found its way onto the nape of my neck. I couldn't move, couldn't blink, couldn't breath.

"H u m a n . . . T u r n a r o u n d a n d F a c e m e. . . "

I slowly turned around, eyes open wide in fear. A pair of eyes catch my gaze, round lapis lazulis with slits in the middle, a cloudy mist fills the air as this hidden atrocity lights a blunt, takes a puff, and breaths mist into my face. I immediately start coughing badly, the smoke having a menthol-like effect, a frozen feeling straight down my throat. God its feels like a cough drop just got shoved down my throat.

“N o t u s e d t o i t , I s u p o s e . . . ”

Still coughing from the cough drop second hand smoke, i look at this...thing with watery eyes and ask something quite stupid.

“w-what the hell are you?”

Let me explain why this was stupid. What this thing is, is a mother loving, omnipotent Grand Elder Dragon, straight outta the underworld. How do I know this? Eyes the color of unnatural ice, the stupid elongated tone of voice, the cough drop second hand smoke, which by the way is created by a cigar made from the menthollyptus plant, a bit of sliver dust, a bit of crushed Golden Shabaath, and the ashes of the Eboreal Ash, . And how do i know it's this specific combination of plants and metal dust? Because the burn in my throat and the dizziness of my eyes feels the same way as when i have to go to my pothead boss whose name I will not mention, who also is a dragon(a lesser dragon i believe). Not a stupidly powerful dragon as this one in front of me-

“W i l l Y o u N o t A d r e s s M e B y M y

T i t l e ? ”

… did this dragon just read my-

“ y e s . . . i d i d . ”

… this mother lovin dragon. His Name is Sytar, the Province of all that is Time. This is a Timelord, someone who could manipulate time at will, and is able to go back into the past and future at will. However, only those who can set in motion the future are Prophets, those who divine prophecies among Heroes.

“H e r o e s-

“Can you just shut up with that stupid tone?”

“...and why should I, Mere mortal?”

“uhh...Because you came here to tell me something?”

“... that is true. Ahem. Allow me to propose some…Exposition.”

...what?

“What the genuine fuck are you talking about?” I ask in an actual concerned voice.

“...i'm just gonna give some exposition. Explain about heros.. Y'know, basic hero talk.”

“...why though? I already know about heroes and their grand and glorious exploits. I don’t need the exposition Sytar.”

“ its for the audience, idiot.”

“The what? What audience?” I look around for any signs of fades or missing bits of my apartment. Usually, grand dragons want to play around and recreate the rooms of their victims through illusionary magic. Also, they set up wireless connections and broadcast their mischief to major television channels. It's also one of Mia’s favorite shows, called The Fool’s Cage with NICK JOOOONES! Or something like that. I don’t watch much television. Just the forecast. Hopefully this isn’t that show.

“I’m not doing that Alex. Im too sophisicated for that dumb soap oprea. Also, who’s Mia?”

“None of your fucking business.”

“Chill dude. I'm not gonna hurt her-”

“Just shut up.” I rub my head and sit down. This is just stupid. Why is this dragon in my room, why can’t I just sleep, and why is there still some delicious musty tea on my mug. Although it's cold now, so its just now mediocre musty tea. Taking a sip of my mediocre musty tea, I ponder the reasons of this dragon being in my already cramped room.

“If you would stop explaining stuff, i would tell you why.”

“Can you shut up?”

“Can you explain why you're being so rude mortal?” This thirteen foot monster with a sixteen foot tail, scales as pale as moonstones, with just a tinge of blue, and nails...or should I say claws, as black as coal, all wrapped up in a bathrobe lined with alpaca fur, and flip flops with small bunny ears...Mia would like these… and a long, girthy, absolutely unnecessary cigar, lit with a teal flame. Wow.. You must really have some worn out lungs huh Sytar?

“ as a matter of fact, my lungs are perfectly fine, thank you very much.” Just as the omnipotent dragon starts coughing like a 40 year old smoker. Don’t Smoke kiddos.

“...anyway, as I was saying… Heroes are given a Prophecy by a Prophet to fulfill, as it is their purpose as a sworn and pledged Hero, and by receiving this blessing, they are given eternal life. That is, they stop aging at a certain age, and can choose how old they look...occasionally. Most heroes either look 20 or 30 years old. It is uncertain. However, a Hero can be slain, and its soul shall remain here. Until it has completed its prophecy, or has it’s soul devoured by a Devil, Or it is destroyed by some other manner, a Hero cannot rest. A Hero can only wait for its opportunity to arrive, or live out its days in misery...such is the tragedy of a hero..” The dragon wipes a petty tear of his cheeks with such unnecessary flair. I wasn’t paying attention though. While this high-of-his-rockers dragon blabbered on about what i already knew about Heros(they teach you this in middle school history, along with the history of this nation’s government, The Federal Foundation of Terrana) I texted Mia. I asked whether or not she wanted hotdogs or ramen hotpot with some delicious musty tea. She wanted the hotdogs and some actual tea. But I reminded her that delicious musty tea was actual tea. Then she sent me a gif with a Gonodorf wizard rolling its eyes and some text on top saying ‘when your roommate is a dad-joke loving dork but you be wanting some actual food’. Kids these days with their memes and what not. Though...Mia isn’t actually a child, she’s old enough to drive around the pier and order her favorite milk tea with boba. Although, she still wakes up early to watch her morning ‘anime’ instead of doing her online college work, and still asks for some SourPatch Dwarves, and still cuddles up to me when she has nightmares...Anyway, she then tells me that she’s bringing one of her friends back home, and she’ll come home in about 20 minutes. Shit! I face the high-as-a-skyscraper dragon and tell him to…

“Leave. Now.”

The dragon, whom took another puff of his cigar, which was now half the length before he arrived, responded in a rather concerning manner…

“Can I at least say that your a hero and explain that…” he takes a moment to recollect his thoughts… “to the audience?”

“N-no!” I manage to say before I start coughing again, accidentally breathing in the cough drop second hand smoke.

“Dude ...it's not that bad….” He really was lost now, gone beyond all hope.

“Look, Wannabe Sytar, Two people live in this household and one of them is not used to the smell of smoke at all, and you won’t shut up about all this hero nonsense, and look-” and another coughing fit ensued from all the cough drop second hand smoke. “J-just go. Come back when your not a bloody stoner” for fucks sakes...Alex rushes around the apartment, opening every window they had. The dragon chuckled and recited a familiar phrase.

“There are Three curses a hero must avoid, lest they shall lose their lives. A Hero must always beware of a Dragon’s Wrath, A Madman’s Oath, and a False God’s Promise. You do know this, don’t you Alex?”

“Y-yes i know” said Alex with a sore throat. The second hand smoke was getting to him pretty badly. “Why bother telling me this?” the dragon sighed and went for another puff of his blunt, decided against it, and place it away in a pocket dimension.

“Alex...i am a tempermental dragon, cursed with Devil’s Scawl. I cannot prevent a berserk state this late into my life. The scawl is as painful as a parasitic cancer can be. Therefore, I use medicinal herbs to ease my pain away. It just so happens to be in the form of a cigar. I know of the conditions in this household, and I’ll try not to overstay this welcome.”

The air froze, particles of dust and smoke slowed to a stop, creating an interstellar, ethereal effect. It suddenly got a lot...colder...what the…

“Alex. there is something I must tell you. We do not have much time…”

“... i'm listening.” I grab the chair to my desk and sit down, wondering at what will the dragon say.

“Alex Ewyrm, You are a Hero who has not taken the Pledge. You will be entangled in the strings of Fate, You will be enwrapped in a story much, Much more grand than you could ever imagine. You will lose, You will gain, and your actions as a Hero shall decide the Destiny of the whole Universe. Alex Ewyrm, Son of Eris and Terrice Ewyrm, and grandchild to a knight of the 13th Order to Maxwell’s Commandment Squadron, Warus Garne Ewyrm, Known as the Hero who drew the cursed blade-

“Exodus. . .”Alex sat there in shock… So this dragon was legitimate. No other dragon could have found out either his parent’s name, or the commandment in which his grandfather served. There was also the fact that Sytar knew about his inheritance, what was passed down, generation to generation.

“Yes. Exodus… the cursed sword Exodus. You see now, that i am Sytar, Providence to all that is Time. I came here to warn you. I shall lead your way, be your guidance, and provided mentorship when you need it most. That is my Pledge I will take as Sytar, Providence to all that is Time!”

...wait. Wait wait wait hold the hot pipe up! Is he suggesting..?!

“..are you saying… you want to be my mentor..?”

“Yes! That is what I pledge and that is what I shall do with pride and dignity!”

I groan and put my weary head on my hands. Why...do i have to be with this pothead…

“H-hey, i'm a nice guy, there’s no need-”

“JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP WILL YA?”

...then there’s silence...the smoke has long left the room. The dust has settled… on the entrance, a small but audible knock can be heard. Then, a voice.

“uhh...Alex...Are you Ok?”

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